Learn Ways to Deal With Shyness           

Almost everybody feels shy at times.  Shyness is a common and normal human condition. 

For some people, shyness can be a much greater problem than for others.  When a person suffers from severe shyness, it can lead to a life of loneliness and missed opportunities.

Severe shyness is a problem I’ve struggled with all my life, and I’ve always been looking for ways to deal with it.  One thing I’ve discovered is that many of the ways I used to deal with shyness actually made the problem worse!

For example, I often avoided social situations because I would get so anxious around other people that I would have a panic attack.  I would leave parties after being there for only fifteen minutes.  I thought that by leaving early, I was doing myself a favor.

Now I know that running away when I felt anxious was the wrong thing to do.  I might have gotten over my shyness many years earlier if I had known that staying in the social situations was the wiser choice for me. 

People who are extremely shy have a nervous system that always seems to be on “high alert”.  They easily feel overwhelmed and anxious with new people and new situations.   

Many people who are shy or who fear rejection try to avoid being in social situations as much as possible.  They may turn down invitations to parties and other social events.  They might cross the street in order to avoid running into someone they know.  T hey often cut conversations short, and may even turn down promotions at work. 

Unfortunately, even though avoiding social situations might seem like the perfect short term solution to avoid the anxiety of being around other people, running away is a big mistake!  Avoiding social situations will actually make your problem get worse.  When you keep running away from being in social situations, you make your fear stronger than your courage, and even stronger than your desire for friends.

By running away from social situations, you lose out on the opportunity to become used to being around people. You lose out on a chance to practice your social skills.  And you lose out on many wonderful friendships and relationships you might have had!

If you actually confront the situations in which you feel anxious, it’s quite possible that your anxiety will lessen as you become more used to dealing with the feared event.  Facing your fears takes commitment and courage, but the results will be worth it.

Try to Get Rejected More Often - Tell Yourself It’s Just Practice -It Doesn’t Count

Do you have a fear of being rejected?  Some people get over rejection very quickly, but for others, the fear of rejection causes major problems.  People who fear rejection often end up living very solitary lives because they never take the initiative in forming new relationships.

If you have a fear of getting rejected socially, one way to overcome your fear of rejection is to deliberately go out and try to collect a lot of rejections on purpose.  Make it into a game!  When you’re trying to get rejected on purpose, it’s just practice, so it doesn’t really count.  This strategy is used by some therapists who specialize in the treatment of shyness.

For example, if you have a fear of being rejected by women, set out to get rejected by many women on purpose.  Make it a game, and give yourself points for every rejection you receive.  Once you have collected say, a hundred points, give yourself a meaningful reward.

If you actually do this exercise instead of just reading about it,  you can learn to experience rejection in a whole new way.  Getting rejected will no longer feel like a terrible attack on your innermost being.  It will simply be a light hearted exercise that you can learn to enjoy as you develop a new skill.

Getting over a fear of rejection can require a lot of determination and courage.  It also takes practice, practice, practice!

You have to keep practicing new ways of thinking and new ways of behaving until they become second nature for you.  A fear of being rejected doesn’t need to keep you in a prison of loneliness. If you keep trying new social behaviors, your shyness and your loneliness can become a thing of the past!

The Pros and Cons of Using Drugs or Alcohol to Deal With Shyness

Are you shy?  If you suffer from extreme shyness, you have probably wished there was a pill you could take that would make all your shyness just go away.

Researchers have discovered that some anti-depressant medications, particularly the kind called SSRI’s (ive serotonin re-uptake inhibitors), can help people who suffer from a condition called social anxiety disorder to become more sociable.

This class of drugs seems to help people who are socially anxious to turn down the excessive volume of their inner judgmental thoughts.

Is it a good idea to take a pill to make you friendlier?  There are pros and cons to be considered when deciding whether to take a drug for social anxiety.  The SSRI drugs can cause insomnia, weight gain, nervous agitation, and a loss of sexual desire, as well as many other less common side effects.  These drugs can also be quite expensive.

Because the SSRI drugs are relatively new, it is not yet known what the long-term effects of this class of drugs may be.

When using SSRI medications, the improvement in sociability only lasts as long as the drug is taken on a regular basis.  When the drug is discontinued, the symptoms of shyness will likely reappear. 

Using Illegal Drugs Or Alcohol To Cope With Shyness

Many people who are shy or who have a fear of being rejected by others, try to deal with their fears by getting drunk or taking illegal drugs whenever they are at a party or in a social situation.  This can be a dangerous way to try to deal with shyness or a fear of social rejection.

You won’t be at your best when you are intoxicated, and the people that you meet when you are drunk or stoned will only get to know your intoxicated self, not your real self.   By abusing alcohol or drugs you also increase the risk of other negative outcomes such as getting into arguments and fights, and having serious accidents.

One danger of course is that you can become physically and psychologically addicted to drugs or alcohol.  Eventually the addiction can cause even more serious problems in your life than the problems you started out with.  If you rely on drugs and alcohol to get the courage to deal with other people, you will never develop the social and emotional skills needed to make real emotional connections to others. 

This article is by Royane Real.  Do you want to learn ways to overcome shyness and learn how to make more friends and have a better social life?  Download Royane’s book called Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends at http://www.royanereal.com