How does the Boy Code impact depression in boys? Give Examples
1. The Boy Code impacts depression in boys a lot. On of the most unrelenting prohibitions that
limit boys is the taboo against expressing sadness. Boys are told that “Big boys don’t cry. Get over it. Snap out of it!” Though every boy naturally feels sad from time to time, boys learn early on not to cry or talk about sadness, and not to turn to others for help. The Boy Code enforces these restrictions. Our male cultural icons reinforce them too. It’s hard to think of Michael Hordan, Muhammed Ali, Tom Cruise, Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, or John Wayne expressing feelings of personal sadness in public.
Because society trains boys to cover their sadness, it becomes very difficult for others to know when a boy is not doing well emotionally. Ass to this the fact that we generally do not expect boys to be sad or depressed- and the fact that if we do suspect depression in boys, we often use innappropriate methods of diagnosis originally designed to ascertain depression in adult women- and it should not be suprising that we frequently have a hard time realizing when our sons are unhappy, and often fail to detect (or to accept) depression when it occurs in young and adulescent boys.
The straightjacket brings about sadness and depression in boys in yet another important way. Our gender-stereotyped myths about boys mislead us to believe that boys do not care much about ther relationships with friends and families and that boys are generally tough, “cocky,” and independent. Yet we’ve also learned that, in reality, most boys experience all sorts of insecurities, feel tremendously dependent on their friends and families, and in many areas (for example when at school or when dating) are prone to large fluctuations in self-esteem. Boys yearn for connection- they care a lot about their relationships and about how they are liked by others. But because we are so often confused by the old myths, we may tend not to pay attention to the emotional ups and downs in boys’ friendships and relationships and thus be unaware of the devastating feelings of shame our sons may experience when these friendships or relationships are not going well or have come to an end. Such shame in a boy, if no one detects and explores it with him, can lead him to feel profoundly sad, afraid, and disconnected from the rest of the world, and even to become clinically depressed.
How should parents support a boy who exhibits signs of depression? Discuss the signs as well as the support techniques
2. There are many specific behaviors that are key in detecting depression in boys. Increased withdrawal from relationships and problems in friendships. Though a boy may deny that he’s doing so, he may tend to spend less and less time than usual with friends and family. He may become further disconnected from them emotionally, acting more and more like something of a loner. Depleted or impulsive mood. The boy may act tired, dispassionate, bored, depleted. He may stop showing interest or taking pleasure in activities he used to seem to enjoy. If normally he is vivacious and talkative, he may become increasingly sluggish, less talkative, and less outgoing. natively, he may act impulsively, unpredictably, or irrationally. He more seem more anxious or fearful than usual, perhaps reporting to you that he feels “nervous,” worried,” or “tense.” Increase in intensity or frequency of angry outbursts. Even the smallest provocation may lead the boy to become full or rage and to verbally or physically lash out at others. What may at first seem to be a boy’s tendency to be “in a bad mood” may escalate into temper tantrums or frequent outbursts of anger or ongoing irratability. Denial of pain. Even when questioned directly about difficult situations- a divorce, a death, and alcoholic parent, academic troubles- the boy may deny he’s feeling happy. His mantra may be something like “Everythings fine” or “What’s the big deal?” or “Nothing’s wrong- why are you bugging me?” Behind these hardened responses may be a frightened, hurting boy.
Increased rigid demands for autonomy or acting out. The boy may say things such as “Leave me alone.” He may resist adult authority. Young boys may resist following rules at home or at school. They may act out in the classroom or at home. Older boys may come home late, take long drives alone, and resist participating in family event. Concentration, sleep, eating, or weight disorders, or other physical symptoms. The boy may find it difficult to concentrate on any one task without becoming quickly distracted or uninterested and might actually be diagnosed with attention defecit disorder. He may have trouble falling asleep, wake up abruptly in the middle of the night, or awaken prematurely in the morning. natively, he may find himself tired a good deal of the time and sleeping too much each day. He may also suffer eating disorders such as anorexia, bulimia, or obesity. Also, he may have frequent headaches and stomachaches or report other persistent physical problems. Inablity to cry. Theboy may appear unable to cry. Thus, for instance, if he is physically injured or obciously in the middle of an emotionally traumatic experience, he may fail to shed a tear, appearing more stoic and hardened than usual.
Low self-esteem and harsh self-criticism. The boy may seem very unsure of himself. He may utter self-effacing remarks such as “I’m such a jerk” or “Nobody cares about me” and focus on his failures more than on his successes. He may blame himself for things that are clearly not his fault. When offered compliments, he may deny them and try to persuade others of his weaknesses and shortcomings. Academic difficulties. Often linked withlow self-esteem, the depressed boy may have problems doing well at school. His grades may plummet, and he may get a bad report insofar as his conduct is concerned. There problems may stem not only from his lack of self-confidence but from his tendency to be distracted by his latent sadness. He may simply feel too unhappy to do his school work, much in the way that an adult who is depressed may begin to have problems focusing on school related obligations.
Overinvolvement with academic work or sports. The boy may become almost obsessive about his schoolwork or sports activities. He may spend all of his free time on homework, studying compulsively, or out on the playing fields, avoiding contact with friends or family. Increased aggressiveness. The boy may exclude an overabundance of aggressive energy. He may act “wild,” become difficult to control, pick fights, or even intentioannly injure others. His aggressiveness may actually may spiral into sheer violence. Increased silliness. Perhaps to mask his genuine feelings of sadness, the boy may actually act silly or outrageous. He may, even as a very young boy, become the class clown at school or become the family comic at home. As his self-confidence deteriorates, he may also have a tendency to become the brunt of other people’s jokes. Not only does the boy seem to be doing all right, he seems amusing, entertaining, funny. Avoiding the help of others. The “I can do it myself” syndrome. When offered help on a task or given the chance to get emotional support form others, the boy will insist that he can handle things himself.
New or renewed interest in alcohol or drugs. In older boys there may be a tendency to become more and more involved in alcohol or drug use. A boy who may have enjoyed a beer from time to time may begin spending time with friends who drink until they’re drunk. He may smoke regularly or begin experimenting with more serious drugs. Shift in the interest level of sexual encounters. In older teenagers who are sexually active, there may be a pronounced increase or decrease in his dating behavior or sexual activity. Increase risk-taking behavior. During the teenage years the bay may begin to take innapropriate or unnecessary risks that show poor judgement. Discussion of death, dying, or suicide. Especially during adulescence- but in some cases as early as the elementary school years- boys who are depressed may initiate discussions of or make casual references to death, dying, or suicide.
In order to prevent and solve depression in boys, these steps must be taken. Be alert about you boy’s friendships and relationships. Try to know how their relationships are going. Take the lead and try to break through the silence about relationship talk; ask your son whom he spends time with, who his friends are, how he likes his teachers at school, how he’s feeling about his siblings, if he feels everything is going well with you. Be watchful for signs of depression and intervene early. One of the worst kinds of family tragedy occurs when the signs of depression are present but nobody sees them or acts upon them. When you notice you boy exhibiting any of the behaviors associated with depression- or if your boy weems a little bit “down”- don’t waste a moment before asking him what’s going on with him. Intervene early. If a boy’s depression is severe, medical intervention may be necessary. When a boy’s depression becomes severe, I would certainly suggest consulting with a psychiatrist knowledgeable about intervening with apporpriate medications. Try to address the big picture. It’s critical that we try to understand our sons in the larger context of what their lives are like at home, at school, and in society in general. Stay on top of the facts about depression and talk about them openly. Try to keep informed about depression and encourage others who care for your boy- especially teachers and adult youth leaders- to learn more about these issues.
How does biology impact depression?
3. Depression can often be caused by biological factors, more notably by an imbalance in certain neurotransmitters, such as serotonin, that seem to directly affect emotional well-being. Medications can correct these imbalances. But neurotransmitter levels are also affected by psychological trauma, such as daily stress, loss of a loved one, or an early trauma, all of which may change the biological and chemical workings of the brain, leaving it vulnerable to depression. Depression seems to run in some families, but a vulnerability to it can be created at any point, through early deprevation, a lack of healthy loving relationships, or repeated blows to one’s self esteem.
How do boys try to hide depressed feelings?
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What impact do healthy relationships have on the development of a healthy attitude?
5. Strong relationships can prevent boys from sliding into depression or engaging in risky, self-destructive behaviors. Teenagers that feel connected to their families are less liekly to experience emotional distress. They are also less likely to engage in violence, attempt suicide, or use harmful substances. The key factors are parents who “share activites” with teens, who are physically present at key times during the day, and most important, who express warmth, love, and caring. Teens who eat dinner with their parents at least five tiimes a week are significantly better adjusted than classmates who dine alone. Boys at all ages need to be told that they are good, that they make good friends, that they’re needed and loved. And, like all human beings, they particularly need caring support when their relationships are distrupted or come to an untimely end. s
